I won't say I told you so, but I will make the face.
Wah wah wah, you're all soooooo surprised. Really? Why? Do you really think the rest of the country is like tolerant California? Have you even been to any of the "red" states (named for the necks of the people no doubt)? They don't have areas like West Hollywood or San Francisco where people accept them. Most of America is uninformed violent trash. Don't believe me? Make the NFL two teams and see what happens.
We're all thinking it but I'll be the one to say it (much like that one time where I told you that voting doesn't matter): secession.
I know it's been tried before and there was that whole war and all, but I really think we can make it work now. I mean, they don't want us and we don't want them and we don't want to suffer the global wrath and all so it seems like a perfectly viable solution. See, it didn't work the first time, but at that time in our country's history the voting actually did work. Now that it doesn't and our "leader" doesn't actually represent the wants and needs of this great country, so to, the secession issue should be reexamined.
Sure, I know what you're all thinking: "What if there's a war? Aren't all the country's weapons in the red states?" Well, yeah, kind of. But there's an easy answer for that: world allies. Every nation in the world would ally themselves with us. i'm pretty confident that this is the only way to save our own asses. Don't be lazy kids, throughout world history people fought for their freedom and your bitch asses think you can just punch a hole in a piece of paper for yours? Come on now, grow some balls you sissy fairies.
While I'm at it, I will suggest a few possible names for the seceded America: Awesome America, Super Fantastic Happy Fun Time America (that'll be sure to get Japan on our side), Stem Cell America, We Don't Like Jesus As Much As The Other America, The Not As Fat America and my very favorite Canada II: The Sequel.
OK, I'm done now.
We're all thinking it but I'll be the one to say it (much like that one time where I told you that voting doesn't matter): secession.
I know it's been tried before and there was that whole war and all, but I really think we can make it work now. I mean, they don't want us and we don't want them and we don't want to suffer the global wrath and all so it seems like a perfectly viable solution. See, it didn't work the first time, but at that time in our country's history the voting actually did work. Now that it doesn't and our "leader" doesn't actually represent the wants and needs of this great country, so to, the secession issue should be reexamined.
Sure, I know what you're all thinking: "What if there's a war? Aren't all the country's weapons in the red states?" Well, yeah, kind of. But there's an easy answer for that: world allies. Every nation in the world would ally themselves with us. i'm pretty confident that this is the only way to save our own asses. Don't be lazy kids, throughout world history people fought for their freedom and your bitch asses think you can just punch a hole in a piece of paper for yours? Come on now, grow some balls you sissy fairies.
While I'm at it, I will suggest a few possible names for the seceded America: Awesome America, Super Fantastic Happy Fun Time America (that'll be sure to get Japan on our side), Stem Cell America, We Don't Like Jesus As Much As The Other America, The Not As Fat America and my very favorite Canada II: The Sequel.
OK, I'm done now.
posted by marc at 1:08 PM
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